I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
