i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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