Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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