I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
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Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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