White coat. Heels.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
