Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
