i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Randomize
