This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
