sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
