I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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