Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's never too late to be topless.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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