In the future we'll all be gay
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
