Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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