He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
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Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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