I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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