I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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