So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
