weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
