everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You are the jesus of drinking
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
