Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize