in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
