if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
