I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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