i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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