I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
