The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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