Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
