She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I faked an abortion last night.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
