im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
