dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize