I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
