no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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