Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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