My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
