dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
