Having a random hookup so left but love u
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
