Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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