big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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