Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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