Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
