Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
