FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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