I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How does one acquire holy water?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
