What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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