it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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