Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
