I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
