yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
