well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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