I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
