Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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