I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
