She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
