My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Shame - the story of my life.
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