I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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