All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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