You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize