so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
