I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
don't judge my taste in strippers
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
