i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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