"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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