Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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