we have officially lost it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
