...so i touched it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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