Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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