We got so high we made milksteak
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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